A Letter to the Guy Who Chose my Best Friend

I still like you, and probably will feel this way for the foreseeable future. These feelings will not go away, as much as I would like them to. I will always question whether the outcome would have been different if you had known how I felt, or if things would have ended the same. I will always question what she did to stand out in your mind that I failed to do. But most of all, I will always wonder if you had feelings for me at all or if those connections were just imagined, feeble attempts made by my brain and heart to hold on to even a small shred of hope that you would ultimately choose me.

But you did not, and that is okay. I am okay.

I will continue to be around you and her, because ultimately you both are too important to me to let my feelings get in the way. It hurts, don’t get me wrong, but I know neither of you would hurt me intentionally and this is enough for me. Sometimes, as clichéd as it seems, timing is just not there. You had the summer with her and that’s where your feelings first began. I wasn’t around as much and likely slipped into the back of your mind, a simple thought when my name came up, but nothing more than that. But things work out this way, and call it fate or destiny, I do not believe that we have much say in it.

One thing that I have actually gained throughout this experience has been the realization that sometimes being close does not always have to be romantic. I can still have conversations with you and listen to shitty alt-indie music with you and laugh at predictable shows with you. I can still be with you, even if I am not with you. And this is okay. I will move on eventually and my feelings will subside. I will find someone else who makes me feel the way you do and life will go on. Life always goes on.

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