So maybe this is always what we were meant to be. Maybe I was always meant to be your girl-friend and not your girlfriend. But what if we were meant to be more, and our present circumstance was caused by outside forces? What do we do if that is actually the case?
I’d like to believe that we could both wait this out, leaving just a temporary space between our love. I would like to think that this space would only be temporary, dissipating as soon as the time was right. But I know this is likely not the case and that we will grow apart.
We already are growing apart. I can feel the distance between us when your arm is around my shoulder and you pull me in a little close, and then all of a sudden, as if the moment has quite literally passed, your hand drops and words go unsaid and we are left in this murky gray area just floating. Floating along, knowing that the end is near.
But you were different in my eyes. Teen angst aside, you are the first lasting thought I’ve had in a long time. You peaked my interest, from a mental and emotional level. I wanted to talk to you about my problems and I wanted you to talk to me about yours. I want to be close to you and hear your voice and your obnoxious laugh. I just wanted to be present in your life and I wanted you to be present in mine. The connection I felt with you was, for lack of a better word, real. I wasn’t wrapped up in inflation, but rather in genuine interest. I wanted to be with you, in all the ways that actually mattered.
Sure, I can feel the weight of my love as our conversations die and we grow apart and I fully come to realize that I am likely the only one who will hold onto our possibility. But this is fine. I know, eventually, someone else will appear to me the way you did and my misplaced feelings will find a more appropriate home and life will go on. Life always goes on, even if not in the way we had expected.